As Herbert Henry Oxidane, P.I., CWT, walked up to the Parts-Is-Parts, Inc. powerhouse looming menacingly out of the fog, he could feel the chill of the early morning condense around him. His antiquated cellular phone rang in his pocket once, twice, three times before he answered, “Detective H₂O here. The best water treater this side of the Ohio, solving water problems drop by drop. Whatcha got?"

“Detective H₂O, are you coming in today? This is Roxy at Parts-Is-Parts. We’ve got some off-color condensate coming back to the boilers. Weird stuff. Don’t want it giving our boilers indigestion, if you know what I mean.”

“Actually, Roxy, I’m right outside your doors,” replied Detective H₂O. “I’ll be right in and meet you down by the lab sinks.”

Roxy was the most dedicated, focused, fearless boiler operator Detective H₂O had ever met. With steam for blood and coal for grit, Roxy could turn a boiler around from shutdown to full steam load faster but more gently than anyone. Built like a truck with a face to match and charging forward like a bulldozer, she got the job done per spec and ahead of time. Detective H₂O respected this dame…but he’d never call her that word to her face.

As Detective H₂O approached the lab sinks in the basement, Roxy was there waiting and holding up a tan colored water sample in a flask. “See Detective H₂0,” she said when she saw him, “something’s off here. This condensate should be crystal clear but now it looks like beer. If I didn’t know better, I’d be tempted to take a swig.”

“Wise precaution there, Roxy. Have you ran any tests on it?”

“Yes, just did. The pH is at 5.5 and the conductivity is over 300 microsiemens! What are those boys in the plant sending back to us?”

“I don’t know, but we’re going to find out. With that pH, it is unlikely that boiler carryover is causing the problem, but if we don’t catch this fast, boiler carryover will be another problem we may have to deal with. Let’s isolate the condensate coming from each area of the plant and see just which area is causing this,” replied Detective H₂O.

The powerhouse test area was a dream with condensate taps from each designated area of the plant in addition to the composite sample tap Roxy had tested. The taps were turned on until warm, sample coolers were kicked into action, and the color alone gave away the offending area.

“The jig’s up. It’s Plant Area 51,” said Roxy.

“There are five condensate receivers we’ll need to check out then. Let’s see if there are any other clues. Let me run a few tests.” A few minutes later, Detective H₂O had not only confirmed the elevated conductivity and low pH, but also the presence of phosphate.

After Roxy returned from diverting the condensate from Plant Area 51 to the drain, she asked, “Phosphate?”

“Phosphate,” replied Detective H₂O. “I think I know which condensate receiver to check. Follow me.”

After gathering the necessary test equipment and reagents, the rag-tag duo marched to Plant Area 51 with Detective H₂O in the lead, passing by two condensate receivers on the way. They finally came to a stop beside condensate receiver CR-51-4.

Roxy carefully took a water sample after properly flushing. It was brown. Detective H₂O poured some of the hot sample into a casserole dish and added a reagent. It turned blue.

“Eurika!” he said.

“What?” asked Roxy.

“There’s phosphate in this condensate just like we found in the powerhouse. That certainly shouldn’t be there.”

“How did you know to check this condensate receiver?” asked Roxy.

“Because of that thing right over there,” and Detective H₂O took Roxy by the shoulders and pointed her (no easy task) to the phosphoric-acid parts-cleaning bath.

“Oh.”

“Let’s go ask the production supervisor about this bath,” said Detective H₂O.

Walking around the phosphoric-acid bath to the office area, they noticed bubbles rising from the bath on one side.

“Angelo! Can we talk to you?” belted Roxy at a height-challenged, middle-aged man shaped like a fireplug.

“Roxy! Whatcha doin’ in my parts? You’re always welcome, you know,” said Angelo, looking at her admiringly.

“We’ve got some dicey condensate coming back to my powerhouse. It’s loaded with phosphate. That condensate receiver over there is too. Could phosphate from your phosphoric-acid bath be messin’ with my condensate?” Roxy asked.

“Hi, I’m Detective H₂O,” cut in the detective. “Is that bath heated with a heat exchanger?”

Angelo reluctantly slid his eyes from Roxy to Detective H₂O, paused, and said, “Yes, there are two. One on either end.”

“Any of them leaking? We noticed some bubbling on this end of the bath,” said Detective H₂O.

They walked over to the bubbling brew and Angelo replied, “Yes, this one started doing this a few days ago. We need to take it out and have a look see. We have to pull them every few months and beat the scale off.”

“Beat the scale off?” asked Detective H₂O.

“Yeah, beat the scale off...with a hammer. That seems to work. Then they get all leaky after a while, and we either have to repair them or replace them,” said Angelo.

“I think that sums it up rather well. We’ve found the source and the cause,” concluded Detective H₂O.

“But wait!” said Roxy. “That steam is under pressure. I understand the steam blowing and bubbling out, but how can phosphoric acid get INSIDE the heat exchanger? There’s not enough pressure to push against the steam!”

“Is the phosphoric-acid bath temperature controlled?” asked Detective H₂O.

“Yes,” said Angelo.

“You see, when the temperature of the phosphoric-acid bath drops, the steam is activated and blows through the heat exchanger. If there are leaks, it blows out and bubbles up through liquid like we’ve seen here. When the phosphoric-acid bath reaches the temperature setpoint, the steam flow is stopped. The steam can condense and even suck the phosphoric acid into the leaky heat exchanger. When the temperature drops and steam is activated again, it pushes the intruding phosphoric acid straight to the condensate receiver and then to your powerhouse.”

“Case closed, Detective H₂O. You did it again!” exclaimed Roxy in her baritone voice.

“Not quite yet,” said Detective H₂O. “There’s one more thing that’s bothering me. Why does the heat exchanger scale up so frequently? What is the makeup water source?”

“Oh, that’s straight city water,” said Angelo.

“Aha, that explains it. The city water is rather hard. It’s high in calcium and calcium phosphate is very insoluble. Without having a sample of the scale you beat off, I would bet good money that it is a calcium phosphate scale. You need a water softener to take the calcium out of the city water. Then there should be no need to beat scale off the heat exchangers. You’ll probably have less sludge to clean out of the bottom of the bath each year too. I’ll send you a quote.”

* * *

In the underbelly and penthouses of the metropolis of Waterville, where the boilers percolate and cooling towers fog, there is one man who works tirelessly to end corrosion, stop scale, fight lowlife microbes, and conserve water. That man is Detective H₂O. Best water treater this side of the Ohio. Solving water problems drop by drop.